They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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