I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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