I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
