Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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