Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
