we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
