I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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