i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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