It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
