He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
