If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
