He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
