You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
