u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
