I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
