I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So apparently I’m into choking now
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
