You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
