We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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