I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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