Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
