I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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