some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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