Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
