You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
