I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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