I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
