Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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