How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
