She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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