Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
