there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I enjoy the company of your penis
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
