i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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