I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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