We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
