Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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