so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
