i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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