Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
