Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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