i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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