we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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