shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
