why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
