Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
