Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
