she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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