garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
