where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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