so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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