I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
