Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
