She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
