so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
